one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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