Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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