Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
