oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You made out with two different species that night
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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