is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
a search helicopter?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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