yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
