People in love make me want to vomit
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
