got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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