Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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