ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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