He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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