When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
