I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
