Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
