I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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