There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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