yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
