hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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