You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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