Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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