I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
please come you make the beer taste better
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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