I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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