It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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