I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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