his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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