I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
