She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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