So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
