can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
