Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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