I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
