dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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