My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
