At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
