its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I intend to get homeless drunk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
