I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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