You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
