Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
