i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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