her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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