Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
