just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
