a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
