I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
