you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
