Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
