god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
