idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
