I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
