Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
