mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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