people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
