I'm jealous of your bromance
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
