I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
